Leave Java Learn Veda !     A Satire !

The other day I was scanning through my visiting cards. I found to my surprise that the majority of them were about the Hindu Priests at WashingtonDC. Every time I go to the local Indian Store, I had been collecting these cards thinking that it would be useful for home functions. These visiting cards which are kept at the entrance are catchy, which includes the priest’s picture in color. Why in color to impress whom I used to wonder. Besides this I used to see full blown up Posters of the same Priests decorating the walls of these stores. These posters with their profile share the limelight side by side along with the Bollywood stars. I used to wonder if these Hindu Priest posters are displayed like this in Tamilnadu some one with special love for Brahmins might have applied cow’s dungall over these posters and the color portrait will turn to black and white!

Unlike 80s and 90s when there were few Priests, NRIs have good options now to choose their priests in US. The choice could be between a Saivite or Vaishnavite, South Indian Priest (Further option to choose between Tamil, Telugu or Kannada) or North Indian. The luckiest ones are the one from Andhra origin as they have potentially the largest customer base in US. These Priests here are modern in outlook and are up to date on technology and many of them even maintain their own website. Sometimes when I look for companion while getting into email, our Priest will be the only one to join the chat!

To give a brief background, in order to meet the needs of the Indian immigrants more and more Hindu temples opened up across the states of US over the last three decades. This created a huge demand for Hindu Priests to keep these temples running.

The US Temples Management used to look for experienced priests from the famous Indian temples. The temples enter into agreement with selected few Indian temples .The Priests will be here for a fixed tenure and has to return back to India, and their counterparts from India will take their place. This is equivalent to people in IT coming with the Business Visa. This is the preferred route from the US temples management point of view with no long term commitment.

Sometimes the US Temple management enters into direct contract with high profile Indian Priests who could be an asset to the temples here. As each city has more temples in the same region, now there is healthy competition amongst temples .Priests play a major role in the popularity of these temples. It is also a great career growth path for the priests from India, as most of them are living on modest income from Hindu Endowments Boards .They also had to constantly undergo humiliations from the political parties who control these boards. These Priests always live in constant fear when the traditional Vedic slokas in Sanskrit are going to be replaced by the regional language poetry!  Also the other fear for them is when this Endowments Board is going to replace them with priests from other castes. Perhaps they are facing the Karma for the sins committed by their forefathers! They are also the constant target in most of the Kollywood films and TV Soap Operas where their Brahmin background and their lifestyle are ridiculed. A US assignment is a great opportunity for their own personal growth and their family’s welfare.

US Temple Managements has to ensure that they had to retain them in US and for this they need to create the right environment. The priests when they come here have common   problem with transportation as they cannot drive the cars. To overcome these limitations the temple arranges for accommodation in apartments very close to the temple so that they do not have to commute. Also in order to make them comfortable and be close to India and to keep their morale high the management provides them amenities like satellite dish connection. Invariably whenever I visit the Priest’s home the first thing which catches my attention is  the  Flat Screen  TV (minimum of 40” ).They watch their regional language program which keeps them feel at home.

After initial fascination in US, the Priests become lonely as they don’t have company and also mobility like in India. They are used to big crowds in India but the crowd is less comparatively here, that too only in the weekends. In the weekdays the temples are normally deserted.

Meanwhile their close family members  who are in India and in distress with dollar dream,  starts pestering them to get them opportunities here so that they also can join them .The local priests look for opportunities in neighboring temples. The family members join them soon and a social network is created within US which makes the family members happy. This is similar to an IT Professional who lands here bringing all his relatives from their home town one by one.

There are 2 types of Hindu Priests. The first type is one who is truly dedicated to their profession and who serves truly god .They are highly respected and the temple who could have such priests are fortunate as they are assets to the temple. Their presence itself brings devotees to the temples .They make excellent impact during their stay here and truly lifts the divinity of the temples with their devotion to god. They return back to their parent temple in India and come back again on devotees request .They are the ones who have truly contributed to the spread of bhakthi in US. They make the present and future generation Indians living in US, learn and practice the rich heritage of   Hindu traditions and customs. NRIs are proud of these Priests and they act as true messengers of god.

The other type of  priests are the successful ones who are enterprising with risk taking and are the one who grow in stature to decorate the Indian stores. Let us profile their growth path.

These priests once they settle down adapt fast with the US culture. They establish contacts with the devotees. They can talk fluently in Telugu or Tamil or Hindi or other language and are also fluent in English. They learn driving fast as they know their future depends on mobility.

The local US temple Management has 2 options. Either promise them green card in a few years or rotate priests from India. They normally prefer the second option except in the case of high profile priests. This is similar to Indian IT firms who want to keep their professionals at H1B Status for ever, in their own self interest instead of processing for green card

These enterprising Indian Priests who come here on R-1(Religious Visa) do not want to return back to India. Unlike IT where labor certification is required (that Indian does not take the American job) Priests do not have to go through the labor phase because of their unique stature. The US temples can go straight for the green card processing directly for these priests and the actual green card processing time also is much shorter.

These Priests starts looking out for private Vedic services possibility to continue their stay. There are some NRI religious organizations who look for such Vedic Priests .They specifically look for Priests of outgoing type with marketing skill. Like MBA for Business, these enterprising   priests are qualified for MVA. If you look into Google and search for the title MVA you may not get the answer. It is a Googly!  MVA is my own imagination which stands for Master of Vedic Administration!

Once these organizations are convinced of their marketing skill’s they give them offers to join them so that they can initiate the green card process They offer them a fixed monthly remuneration which will take care of the family expenses. These organizations are similar to Consultant firms in IT! These priests who decide to move out of the temples start collecting the contact information of the devotees a few months in advance and once they are convinced of enough customers, they take the plunge. This is similar IT folks ditching their parent company after they realize their potential outside opportunities.

Once they come out of the temples, these organizations after initial settling period expects results. The payments to the Priests from their clients is split into two half. The major part goes to these organizations and partly to the priests based on the customer satisfaction level. The reality is that not all the Priests succeed after these adventures. They live in constant fear from their supporting organization and have to bring the committed revenues. They had to resort to all types of marketing techniques to become successful. There is competition between them and had to slash their fees to beat the competition. The unsuccessful one migrates to other US states and if they still cannot make it they return back to India. The successful ones are the ones who decorate the Indian Stores!

Here is one more option for the IT Professionals from India who are having problem with the present lottery system in getting H1B Visa. If you are tired of H1B route here is one more alternative to consider.

Leave Java and Learn Veda! Actual Vedas may take long time to master. Like SAP Functional modules one could split Vedas to modular approach and there could be specialists for each of these modules. Musically inclined professionals can go for Sama and with flair for prose could specialize in Yajur and so on.  All that is required is the hype that Java is out and Veda is the future!

Of course there could be hurdles at US Embassy. Looking at the large influx of Hindu Priests disproportionate to the immigrant population US Consulate has tightened the rules now. The Priest has to recite the Vedas now during the Interview at the US Consulate.  As long as the Embassy does not ask for the meaning of the Vedas which they recite that is fine. That stage has not yet come! What do you think of this Satire?